South African Cultural Adventures: Wine Barrel Uses and Finding Drunken Sorrow

South African Cultural Adventures

“Just one more…new friends, CCTV Police and misplaced pants”…. 

“Babalas, why is someone knocking on my door at this hour” … knocking I chose to ignore.

 “Babalas, please make it stop!”

Finally, it stops…but then I hear…” Sorry, Mr. Bob….Mr. Bob are you there?”.  Well, I thought I had better get up now as I recognized the voice was my friend Carlo.

I had only been in South Africa for two weeks, growing ever more comfortable and fond of my little skuilplek at The Eendracht Hotel.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on who you ask. I had also developed a fondness for visiting The Stomme Jonge every evening. As you might recall, this was the pub that Carlo had recommended, just a few easy steps from the front door, steps that tended to become more challenging as the evening progressed.  Nevertheless, I was learning all sorts of things while visiting this pub. 

As you might recall this is where I was introduced to that garnet elixir called Pinotage by Simon, the bearded barman and proprietor.  He also introduced me to his friend Margot…but that is another story.

Anyway, both Babalas and I got up.  It seems this new friend that Simon had warned me about always showed up in the morning.  

I opened the door to find Carlo sheepishly grinning at me.  “Goeie môre Mr. Bob.  I am sorry to disturb you but my boss-lady says this thing cannot stay here in the hallway.”  “What thing?” I ask.  

“That sir”, pointing to a wine barrel lying on its side.  “WTF,” I say… “Why is that there…it is not mine,” I state.  “So sorry again Mr. Bob, but the boss-lady says it is yours and that you brought it here last night.”  The boss-lady is  downstairs looking at the security camera footage.”  “What? I ask Now I was worried. 

In my best grumpy New York defensiveness I say, “Sorry it is not mine…I need to sleep more”.   I close the door and fall back into bed.

Try as I might to fall back asleep, I am now concerned and slowly starting to remember parts of my evening.  Plus, Babalas is making a hell of a racket telling me he wants to introduce me to his friend, Mr. Dronk Verdriet.  Mr. Dronk Verdriet actually spells his name Dronk-verdriet, which I later learn means “drunken sorrow”.

After sending Carlo away, I am lying there worried that I have gotten him into trouble with his boss when suddenly flashbacks of my evening start running through my head. 

I clearly remember chatting with Simon and his introducing me to two things.  First, after some more of that new garnet elixir they called Pinotage, was a mixed drink of Brandy and Coca-Cola or “Brandy & Coke” as they say here.  The second introduction of the night was his friend Margot.  Literally double trouble it would turn out.

I recall lots of laughing and jokes made at this American’s expense.  Lots of “kak praat” (shit-talking) about who could drink the most Brandy & Coke as I recall.    As I continued to lay there hoping sleep would find me again, stressing about the simple fact that I could not recall the evening in full, I burped.  

“Yuck! What the hell is that taste?  

Then another memory, from later in the evening… I think.  It was of Margot and her telling me that what I needed was a “BP Pie”.  She described it as “a meat and gravy filled pastry, warm and soul-nourishing that compliments too much Brandy & Coke”.  I remember thinking that it sounded lekker.  

Now, however, the taste in my mouth…not so lekker.   

After rather abruptly shutting my door on Carlo, after claiming ignorance about the wine barrel and with Babalas moaning in the background about what “kak” I had caused,  I figured I needed to get up and do some adulting.

As I stood in the shower begging for Babalas to leave, Babalas’s friend Mr. Dronk-verdriet did not have any interest in leaving and seemed happy to only hang around.

As I was getting dressed I could not find my pants.  I woke up without them on, because I had grabbed some shorts from my bag to put on when Carlo knocked on my room door.  

The “boss-lady” as Carlos called her and the GM of The Eendracht was this cool Afrikaans lady named Wilmi.  As I crept down the steps in search of coffee, I locked eyes with Wilmi who looked dead at me and just shook her head.  

“Goeie môre Robert, how do you feel today?”  “Robert”, I thought to myself…” Why is she calling me Robert?“Not so lekker,” I said, looking for a table I could hide at and have a coffee.  As I am sitting, trying my best not to make eye contact with anyone, I start to remember more…   

I remember Margot saying that she, me, and Simon had been invited to a late-night braai at the home of someone named “Braak”.  I had no idea who Braak was. 

Other than a big fire that I could not stop throwing pieces of wood onto, my memory of this braai, the person Braak, and where their house was was evading me.  Nor for that matter could I remember how I got from the braai back to The Eendracht.  This adulting was starting to suck.

“Excuse me, Mr. Bob,” I heard from a now quieter Carlo.  “Mr. Bob, my boss-lady would like to see you”.  “Oh no,” I thought, “this cannot be good” as it seemed my current efforts to avoid everyone were not working.  

So, I get up and walk around the corner to the reception desk and Wilmi says, “So how was your breakfast?”   I tried to put on my best smile and say, “No breakfast, only coffee for now”.  “I bet”, she says.

“Would you mind stepping around the counter and allowing me to show you something?” she asks.  “Sure,” I say as I look torwards my friend Carlo.  By this time, he is just grinning and mumbling something in Afrikaans while looking over towards several other staff who had gathered, all of whom are just grinning ear to ear.

Wilmi points to a small TV screen which I immediately knew was the security system.  Wilmi looks at me and says, “Just watch”…

Nothing looked odd to me until I saw “someone” trying to open the  back door of the hotel.  I could not see who it was as it was evening and dark.  The screen was showing an angle from inside the hotel pointing torwards the back door of the hotel.  All I could see was someone trying to open the back door.   I remember thinking the person looked very odd and quite large.  Anyway, this person struggled with the door for what seemed like a few minutes.

Then…”Oh shit”…

Suddenly, feeling very uncomfortable, I was watching myself on the screen.  As the door of the hotel swung open, there I was clearly fumbling with the door. It was clearly me.   

Oddly, I immediately noticed the time stamp on the screen which said 03:27.

A bit late I thought to myself.  Oh well, but then…

 “Please keep watching”, Wilmi said rather emphatically.

Then my new friend Dronk-verdriet took over my body.  As the image became clearer you saw me struggling to open and then close the back door wearing…. now wait for it…

a flippin’ wine barrel.  

Seriously, a wine barrel. 

There I was bumping into everything.  Literally bouncing off the walls as I tried to walk through the lobby and up the stairs wearing a  wine barrel.

… To be continued…

South African Cultural Adventures Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q1: What is a “Babalas”?

Ah, the infamous Babalas—a term derived from the Zulu word “ibhabhalazi,” meaning hangover. In South Africa, when you’ve had one too many Brandy & Cokes, you don’t just wake up with a hangover; you wake up with a full-blown Babalas, complete with misplaced pants and mysterious wine barrels, Ah, Babalas and hangover tales.

Q2: Can you explain “Dronk-verdriet”?

Certainly! Dronk-verdriet translates to “drunken sorrow” in Afrikaans. It’s that melancholic feeling that sneaks up on you after a night of heavy drinking—right around the time you’re trying to figure out why there’s a wine barrel in your hallway and your pants are missing.

Q3: What does “Kak praat” mean?

Kak praat is Afrikaans for “talking nonsense” or, more bluntly, “shit-talking.” It’s the kind of banter that happens after a few too many drinks, where grand tales are spun, and someone inevitably dares the American to drink more Brandy & Coke.

Q4: What is a “Braai”?

A Braai is the South African version of a barbecue, but calling it that doesn’t do it justice. It’s a cultural ritual involving open flames, copious amounts of meat, and, if you’re lucky, an invitation from someone named Braak—whose house you might not remember the next day.

Q5: What is a “BP Pie”?

A BP Pie is a warm, meat-filled pastry, often enjoyed after a night out. It’s the South African equivalent of saying, “I’ve had too much to drink; let’s eat something greasy.” Just be prepared for the aftertaste to haunt you the next morning.

Q6: What is “Pinotage”?

Pinotage is a hybrid red wine grape which is a cross of Cinsault and Pinot Noir and is one of South Africa’s signature red wine varieties. It’s the garnet elixir that starts your evening off classy before things devolve into Brandy & Coke challenges and impromptu barrel-wearing escapades.

Q7: What is “Brandy & Coke”?

Ah yes, Brandy and Coke, e is a popular South African mixed drink. many parts brandy and a few parts Coca-Cola. It’s also the catalyst for many poor decisions, including, but not limited to, challenging locals to drink contests and believing you can navigate hotel hallways while wearing a wine barrel.

Q8: What is “The Eendracht Hotel”?

The Eendracht Hotel is a charming hotel in Stellenbosch, South Africa located on historic Dorp Street where one might have found themselves growing fond of a local pub, The Stomme Jonge that was located across the street.

Q9: What is “The Stomme Jonge”?

The Stomme Jonge was a local pub near The Eendracht Hotel. It’s the kind of place where you made new friends, like Simon the proprietor and his friend Margot. It is where evening can start with Pinotage and end with your making questionable choices. (i.e. a good pub)   Sadly The Stomme Jonge is no longer just as this author is a bit older.

Q10: What does “Goeie môre” mean?

Goeie môre is Afrikaans for “Good morning.” It’s what your friend Carlo says to wake you up when you’re nursing a Babalas, and also what the boss-lady says while shaking her head at your latest meeting with drunken sorrow. 

Q11: What does “Lekker” mean?

Lekker is an Afrikaans word meaning “nice,” “good,” or “pleasant.” It’s how you’d describe the taste of a Brandy & Coke before realizing it’s the reason you’re currently watching CCTV footage of yourself wearing a wine barrel.

Q12: What is a “Skuilplek”?

Skuilplek is an Afrikaans term meaning “hideaway” or “shelter.” In this context, it refers to the cozy nook at The Eendracht Hotel where one might seek refuge after a night of South African pub stories and misplaced pants.